He’s just a bit bigger than my head.

I find your comment surprising, to say the least

I can’t whistle, but I can look as cool as someone who can whistle

Yeah, my dad’s a dumb goofball, but I love him anyway.

No, it’s way in the back, I think it’s a fruit fly.

Duh, Mr. Snail, what does “potato” mean?

Why, that piece of gossip is shocking AND amusing

I thought this cool-assed hat would make me look thinner, but I can still see my gut.

He can play “big-headed baby.”

Queer-Eye-style snob

“You paid WHAT for those shoes?”

More to come!

It’s unnatural how much this baby likes baths.

“I don’t feel any smarter. Maybe this brain cream doesn’t work. Plus, I think it’s giving me a unibrow.”

 ”The Poohbah has spoken. Now, to eat my hand.”

“When I have teeth, I’m gonna eat the hell out of you, green cookie.”

That sucker’s cute! Thank God he gets his looks from his mom.

“Mmm, this cat is delicious” – “Ouch, this baby is eating me!”

“I smell it too, it wasn’t me.”

“Chef Poophat always refers to himself in third person. You’re the snob.”

“I’m not actually a cat. This is a costume.”

“Santa Power!”

Kid can’t handle his bourbon.

“Don’t touch the baby. He’s asleep.”

“What’s that, Mr. Lizardturtle?”

“Who’s got a fat, round head? Me? Get outta here!”

“Repeat that?”

“Hilarious”

“Cripes, I’m excited!”

Guess which one’s Griffin

Harry Potter, pre-scar.

Me and my baby boy.